killing_moon

rundown, tied down, let loose

2008-01-07T13:42:12Z

Okay so in efforts to state for-the-record in manner of speaking current status and accountability of one's self I will try and give a "rundown" of where I am.

Major concentration is being committed to my education at the moment and suffce it to say that beyond those bounds there is little to state of affairs. Oh what a mess all has been from there to here that I am not sure needs to be uttered or even rememberd.

But I am back on my funding after being suspended and am now, at least in thought, committed to buckling in and taking a few big and difficult steps which are neccesary to make up for so much lost time.

So I am hoping that within a year or two I will be where it is that I plan on being and can then take a moment to decide future course of action.

Beyond school, there are minor things that only a fool would devote too much time in resolving, because I know I can never get these things right. Relationship are simply more than I believe I can handle. Based upon past occurences this can only be undoubtedly true. As part of the new year hollaballoo I have resolved for 2008 thus far; no meat in my diet, no sex, more temperance, and something good...

This something good has not been given any parameters but it will be hoped to have substantial importance, if even just to me.

I have few friends these days. Im beginning to believe this can only assist in my pursuit of purity of mind as well as body. When rebuilding some structure that proved to be too faulty to withstand the storm on its own, the walls must be stripped dowm, the framework dissembled and new blueprints redrawn.

I am not of sound mind and body, thus I must rebuild!!! So it begins.... again.

Back from the Dead!!!!!!

2008-01-07T12:30:03Z

Well it has been ages since I have checked on this journal, and so here is post one of its renewal.

A Meaning To tHE mEANINGLESS

2004-11-19T04:34:28Z

nOTHING MUCH IN THE SUBSEQUENT GAP OF DAYS SINCE i LAST WROTE. fEELING MORE VACANT THAN USUal, searching for that endlessness again , to which I am finding my self lost from. Starnge it is but one of the things that brought some comfort in this place. noThing to course through me and thicken my veins, havent been able to beat much inthis vacant monument.
Worthless ness
sEEkING SOME SATIATION to lose my self. Searching for the ends to find some sort of foundation to my ruin. That being that ruin should ever be so ruin, and not seemingly Being lost to some beating once again.
I fear I have lost myself and crave for that which I find my torment. Such a discomfort as I could hope to find in the bowels of this chamber. Beating, beating, beating to no end, of that end which could save my soul. Such a salvation as I could find among the wretched and reveling veins. Pumping for some contentment that would run them dry.
Save me, save me, save me. As much as tha salvation could lease me into some better place then I find myslef.
Well as I continue to sway wayward towards the stars and finding myself lost to you my noone, I will leave with no much more than I found you. That you could hope to be lost would bring me some peace. Adeua or farewell, whatever would make this seem like a dream and nothing more than I could hope for.

Craving Spades, Dancing with Devils, And meaningless monents under the stars

2004-10-10T12:41:53Z

Yeah it seems my entries will be varied to a weeks time since this seems to be the only time I will be able to get on and write. Today is a a saner day, so my scribes wont be so deliciously dealt. But this was a rather boring but splendid week. Went to the movies with Alice on thursday and saw an adequate mmmmmmmmmmovie. Hung out with her for a while. Then I decided to go to my "friend" Nikki's party, she calls me babe, the same night, got lost but sadly no starngers tried to pick me up :( I got there and I pretty much just ended up sitting around for a while, til the 'freshments got there. Anotherthing that happened that was truly sstrange was a girl I used to go out with called me and was like hey, howsitgoing. Havent talked to her in like a year. Long story short, I got drunk, ended up in a all-male photo shoot, tee hee yay, with Hellbert, who is oh so hot, go to grope his man parts. Yeah, thats all I remember.

Asking Alice When Shes Ten Feet Tall

2004-10-03T13:59:31Z

What am I? What is the worth of all the ruin in my soul. Could one find any purpose past pain for such a wretch as me. But woe I find more than mine own pain wreath around my heart. Now it seems my deeds would have those that I care about the most under this storm. Even that which I would give my soul to is now found doubting the worth of my once presented ruin, as much worth as could be found in such. I fear the only solution, the only satiation to others pain is my absence. My heart has only caused others confusion and melancholy. Woe, but what is a boy to do?

My Ruin

2004-05-04T20:36:21Z

Ahhh, the world is ruin. A wasteland for my sanity. Nothing but those things which are built of shit. Crumbling and tumbling, I fall into ruin. Nothing but the horrid stench of my own wasted life. I am but a monument of torn flesh built for no one at all. Tear me down and add to the ruin of this world.

Nothing Exactly

2004-02-03T23:23:43Z

You have wings of STEEL. No one's really
sure why, but at this point in your life you've
shut off emotion to the point of extreme
apathy. You are cold and indifferent much of
the time...or perhaps you're just a good
pretender. Next to impossible to get close to,
even those who do never see the real you. It's
entirely possible that YOU don't even know the
real you. You have a certain fascination or
attraction to destruction on a massive scale -
disasters, perhaps even death or the concept of
the Apocalypse. Because you hold so much
inside, one day you're simply going to snap.
Then the mask will fall away, and your true
wings will be revealed. Until then you will
deal with whatever comes your way in icy bitter
silence and acceptance. On the positive side,
you are fearless and immeasurably strong - not
much can crack through your defenses. You
intrigue people, who can't help but wonder why
you're the way you are. A loner and one who
spends much of their time brooding and
contemplating life and death - you are a time
bomb waiting to explode and create some
destruction of your own.

*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla

uglylittlechild @ 2003-12-15T10:13:00

2003-12-15T17:13:33Z

Yugioh OC Generator by sennet
Username
Hair Colour	White, long, and shiny
Eye Colour	Black
Reincarnation?	Of a servant
Dueling style	Occult deck, med. skill, cruel
Special power of any sort?	Ability to bring cards to life

Created with quill18's MemeGen!

Giving Thanks for Nothing

2003-11-28T04:44:28Z

Today I made my self a bowl of Ramen noodle soup for dinner, with a Dr. Pepper. I slept in until like 3:00 so when I woke I walked into the eating area to find empty plates and a stuffed family. They were too busy to wake me up. But I guess the soup turned out pretty well. It filled me right up. And I mastered the knitting process for this sacrf I am working on.

uglylittlechild @ 2003-11-26T10:00:00

2003-11-26T17:00:40Z

With Which Harry Potter Male Are You Most Sexually Compatible?
brought to you by Quizilla

Seven Days

2003-11-25T16:05:21Z

Only sven days til the concert. I cant wait. Still need to get a few things taken care of for my friends b-day.

uglylittlechild @ 2003-11-24T13:56:00

2003-11-24T20:56:39Z

Your soul is bound to the Solitary Rose: The
Alone.

"When I wake up alone, the shades are still
drawn on the cold window pane so they cast
their lines on my bed and lines on my
face."

The Solitary Rose is associated with loneliness,
melancholy, and patience. It is governed by
the goddess Merope and its sign is The Sword,
or Unrequited Love.

As a Solitary Rose, you may be summed up as a
hopeless romantic. You desire love and have so
much love to give, but thing just never seem to
work out the way you want them to. In life,
you can be very optomistic, even when things
are gray and nothing works out to your
expectations.

What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hell No

2003-11-14T20:26:44Z

A person in my community linked me to this petition and I want as eagerly as they do to get as many signatures as possible for it. Please sign.

I am Angst......I am angst

2003-11-12T18:13:09Z

You represent... angst.
You have an extremely cynical outlook on just about
everything. It's okay to sulk and be
depressed, but life is short, and you only get
one. It's only what you make it, and only you
can make it improve.

What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla

Make Me Spit My Guts Out Please

2003-11-12T17:52:36Z

Saw Kill Bill for the second time yesterday. Yay right. I've found that merely spouting these torrid words that mat come to mind is enough relief in itself. It brings me some comort to say the things that I may constantly bury deep inside if even to noone.

Are You Okay?

2003-10-27T20:27:18Z

Okay. So I went to a party on Saturday and of course, there were "refreshments" of which I perhaps drank too much. And since none of my friends have ever seen me drunk, it must have freaked everyone out because I came to school today and everyone was like, "Are you okay?" One of my friends told me I was acting a psychotic at the party. All I can really remember was swinging a bat around, not at anyone though, and then sitting at the fence shouting to the world, my friends, about how I am nothing at all. This is normal for me, Im a sad drunk.

Merry Go Round Go Up and Down

2003-10-23T20:30:15Z

Last night I got to hang out with my friends while they practiced for their band, What Dark Creates. It was so fucking cool and funny as hell when they switched parts.
I also saw my best friend today whcih was kinda cool. Still haven't talked to her about my true feelings for her. The bitch, Fate has given me no pity so why now. Who cares?

Tra La La Sang The Boy With Nothing Going Good In His Life

2003-10-22T20:46:12Z

I just got in trouble at school for depicting a rather graphic scene of a person hanging from a tree. They called me in and asked me if I had any problems or was thinking of killing myself. Of course, my grades are also horrible. Not on the graduating list. The Public educational system blows goats.

Woah......I'm deep.

You are a Day Dreamer..
Daydreamers tend to be away from the normal, and
have a deeper aspect when looking at things.
Most of the time, thier outcasts of the social
society, but don't worry. It just means your so
deep it scares thier simple little brains.

What kind of Dreamer are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Something to look forward to

2003-10-17T20:57:19Z

I got tickets to see Cradle of Filth and Type O Negative in concert and Im going to take my friend for her birthday. Not that anyone reads this anyway.

Everything Is Shit

2003-09-26T20:12:40Z

Haven't posted in a while. The party on Saturday sucked. Well, for me it did. I got in one of those set of minds where I shut down and dont interact with others. But I did get a little plastered. Yay fun.

uglylittlechild @ 2003-09-16T13:04:00

2003-09-16T20:04:36Z

Take the World of Darkness Quiz
by David J Rust

Reasons not to die before Saturday

2003-09-16T19:29:06Z

My friend showed me this little flier for a party mainly for lesbian and gay people so I copied down the number and called it. The guy on the phone said there would be a keg and such and music. Although I dont like hip-hop, trance, or techno I'm thinking I'm going to go and have some fun. Anyways I haven't been to a party in a while because noone has invited me. What are friendds for.

Fuck me

2003-09-15T20:46:16Z

Which deadly sin do you represent? (Angel Sanctuary Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

Lovelorn, torn in two

2003-09-15T20:31:25Z

It seems I have yet again turned into a fool. I have feelings for this girl who is rather close to me and, of course, I am a worthless pile of shit so what can I expect. She makes me feel happy and good which is a real rarity and I just like her so much. Although her true feelings are somewhat hidden, I realize what I am and what I do to myself. I get attached to people so that I can be hurt again. This is merely because I enjoy the pain. And this is because pain and anguish are the one things that will remain constant in my life. Everything else is fleeting. Oh god, shut the fuck up Jack. I'm sick and tired of all your whining. If life is so teribble why dont you go eat a bullet.

uglylittlechild @ 2003-08-29T23:39:00

2003-08-30T05:40:18Z

Masochist

The ULTIMATE personality test
brought to you by Quizilla