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07 January 2008 @ 06:28 am
Okay so in efforts to state for-the-record in manner of speaking current status and accountability of one's self I will try and give a "rundown" of where I am.

Major concentration is being committed to my education at the moment and suffce it to say that beyond those bounds there is little to state of affairs. Oh what a mess all has been from there to here that I am not sure needs to be uttered or even rememberd.

But I am back on my funding after being suspended and am now, at least in thought, committed to buckling in and taking a few big and difficult steps which are neccesary to make up for so much lost time.

So I am hoping that within a year or two I will be where it is that I plan on being and can then take a moment to decide future course of action.

Beyond school, there are minor things that only a fool would devote too much time in resolving, because I know I can never get these things right. Relationship are simply more than I believe I can handle. Based upon past occurences this can only be undoubtedly true. As part of the new year hollaballoo I have resolved for 2008 thus far; no meat in my diet, no sex, more temperance, and something good...

This something good has not been given any parameters but it will be hoped to have substantial importance, if even just to me.

I have few friends these days. Im beginning to believe this can only assist in my pursuit of purity of mind as well as body. When rebuilding some structure that proved to be too faulty to withstand the storm on its own, the walls must be stripped dowm, the framework dissembled and new blueprints redrawn. 

I am not of sound mind and body, thus I must rebuild!!! So it begins.... again.
Current Mood: blankblank
Current Music: NIN
07 January 2008 @ 05:29 am

Well it has been ages since I have checked on this journal, and so here is post one of its renewal.

18 November 2004 @ 09:21 pm
nOTHING MUCH IN THE SUBSEQUENT GAP OF DAYS SINCE i LAST WROTE. fEELING MORE VACANT THAN USUal, searching for that endlessness again , to which I am finding my self lost from. Starnge it is but one of the things that brought some comfort in this place. noThing to course through me and thicken my veins, havent been able to beat much inthis vacant monument.
Worthless ness
sEEkING SOME SATIATION to lose my self. Searching for the ends to find some sort of foundation to my ruin. That being that ruin should ever be so ruin, and not seemingly Being lost to some beating once again.
I fear I have lost myself and crave for that which I find my torment. Such a discomfort as I could hope to find in the bowels of this chamber. Beating, beating, beating to no end, of that end which could save my soul. Such a salvation as I could find among the wretched and reveling veins. Pumping for some contentment that would run them dry.
Save me, save me, save me. As much as tha salvation could lease me into some better place then I find myslef.
Well as I continue to sway wayward towards the stars and finding myself lost to you my noone, I will leave with no much more than I found you. That you could hope to be lost would bring me some peace. Adeua or farewell, whatever would make this seem like a dream and nothing more than I could hope for.
Current Mood: ever so vacant
Current Music: The Beating of a wayward thing, so delved into my chasm.
Yeah it seems my entries will be varied to a weeks time since this seems to be the only time I will be able to get on and write. Today is a a saner day, so my scribes wont be so deliciously dealt. But this was a rather boring but splendid week. Went to the movies with Alice on thursday and saw an adequate mmmmmmmmmmovie. Hung out with her for a while. Then I decided to go to my "friend" Nikki's party, she calls me babe, the same night, got lost but sadly no starngers tried to pick me up :( I got there and I pretty much just ended up sitting around for a while, til the 'freshments got there. Anotherthing that happened that was truly sstrange was a girl I used to go out with called me and was like hey, howsitgoing. Havent talked to her in like a year. Long story short, I got drunk, ended up in a all-male photo shoot, tee hee yay, with Hellbert, who is oh so hot, go to grope his man parts. Yeah, thats all I remember.
Current Mood: Beating, needing some end
Current Music: Cradle of Filth-Sodomy and lust
03 October 2004 @ 06:34 am
What am I? What is the worth of all the ruin in my soul. Could one find any purpose past pain for such a wretch as me. But woe I find more than mine own pain wreath around my heart. Now it seems my deeds would have those that I care about the most under this storm. Even that which I would give my soul to is now found doubting the worth of my once presented ruin, as much worth as could be found in such. I fear the only solution, the only satiation to others pain is my absence. My heart has only caused others confusion and melancholy. Woe, but what is a boy to do?
Current Mood: woe and behold the ruin
Current Music: Cradle of Filth-Nymphetamine
04 May 2004 @ 01:33 pm
Ahhh, the world is ruin. A wasteland for my sanity. Nothing but those things which are built of shit. Crumbling and tumbling, I fall into ruin. Nothing but the horrid stench of my own wasted life. I am but a monument of torn flesh built for no one at all. Tear me down and add to the ruin of this world.
03 February 2004 @ 04:23 pm
You have wings of STEEL. No one's really
sure why, but at this point in your life you've
shut off emotion to the point of extreme
apathy. You are cold and indifferent much of
the time...or perhaps you're just a good
pretender. Next to impossible to get close to,
even those who do never see the real you. It's
entirely possible that YOU don't even know the
real you. You have a certain fascination or
attraction to destruction on a massive scale -
disasters, perhaps even death or the concept of
the Apocalypse. Because you hold so much
inside, one day you're simply going to snap.
Then the mask will fall away, and your true
wings will be revealed. Until then you will
deal with whatever comes your way in icy bitter
silence and acceptance. On the positive side,
you are fearless and immeasurably strong - not
much can crack through your defenses. You
intrigue people, who can't help but wonder why
you're the way you are. A loner and one who
spends much of their time brooding and
contemplating life and death - you are a time
bomb waiting to explode and create some
destruction of your own.

*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla
15 December 2003 @ 10:13 am
Yugioh OC Generator by sennet
Hair ColourWhite, long, and shiny
Eye ColourBlack
Reincarnation?Of a servant
Dueling styleOccult deck, med. skill, cruel
Special power of any sort?Ability to bring cards to life
Created with quill18's MemeGen!
27 November 2003 @ 09:32 pm
Today I made my self a bowl of Ramen noodle soup for dinner, with a Dr. Pepper. I slept in until like 3:00 so when I woke I walked into the eating area to find empty plates and a stuffed family. They were too busy to wake me up. But I guess the soup turned out pretty well. It filled me right up. And I mastered the knitting process for this sacrf I am working on.
Current Mood: Trembling Fingers
Current Music: CoF-Thirteen Autumns and a Widow